Hey Parenthood – Stop Saying it’s Okay to Harass Women

Spoilers ahead. Though I am just playing catch-up, myself.

I have a major problem with Max Braverman’s (Max Burkholder) recent storyline on Parenthood. I was wary of where it would go after he develops a crush on classmate Dylan (Ally Ioannides). And turns out those concerns were warranted.

It was problematic from the beginning when Adam (Peter Krause) encourages Max to pursue his interest in this girl, just because it gave him hope. While Kristina (Monica Potter) initially had reservations, I was disappointed when Adam was able to talk her out of them.

It was incredibly irresponsible for Kristina, as the administrator of a school, to do nothing as she witnessed her son harassing another student, and worse for her to tell him that she was proud of him for his grand gesture. It was inexcusable for her to force Dylan to stay in a situation she felt uncomfortable after expressing these feelings.

This is a girl trying to speak up for her right to feel safe and getting shut down by the very person who is supposed to protect her.

This is where it starts.

Kristina and Adam can’t pick up and decide to start a school (as implausible as that storyline is to begin with), without being fully conscious of the situations young people face today. Boys believing girls owe them attention or should reciprocate feelings, just because they want them to, is a slippery slope to men who rape women.

Tell me I’m wrong.

There should have been a discussion about this from the very beginning, especially because Max’s parents know about his propensity for obsessive behavior. When Max asks his parents if he harassed Dylan, they should have said yes. Because he did harass her. Harassment is in the eye of the person on the receiving end of the attention. If she deems it unwanted attention, then yea Max, you messed up. It’s not about Max’s good intentions.

This is not okay.

Instead, Dylan is made out to be someone who blows the situation out of proportion and makes things awkward and uncomfortable for the Bravermans. She shouldn’t have kissed another boy. Her parents are to blame for being absent in their daughter’s life. If everyone could just see things from Max’s point of view. This is victim-blaming, plain and simple.

And sure, they tied it up neatly. Leave it to Adam and Kristina’s magical powers that enable them to bend everyone to their will. Everyone forgives everyone and the two teens become friends again. (They gain these powers simply from loving their child so darn much, because other parents don’t don’t do that).

I’m usually on board with the way showrunner Jason Katims uses this show as his soap box. The show depicts a lot of very serious problems in an idealized yet somewhat realistic manner. I’m not saying that these people are always perfect (though Adam and Kristina usually and annoyingly come off as saints). But when they make a gross error in their parenting style, there should be real consequences. Everything can’t always be solved by the two of them smiling, looking remorseful, and saying please.

I don’t understand how Dylan’s parents, let alone any of the other parents who witness the encounter, can think that the Bravermans are still capable for running a school. They obviously put up massive blinders when it comes to their son; blinders that put other children at risk.

I believe Parenthood really dropped the ball this time around.

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Also, everyone needs to leave Drew alone and let him go to school. How does Amber keep getting into his dorm room anyway? What kind of security is that?

Transparent, Soloway & Kohan, October

First things first. If you haven’t watched Transparent yet, you’re doing something wrong. Correction: If you are frustrated by the sensationalism of today’s popular entertainment+, and you appreciate beautifully crafted, subtle storytelling in 30-minute increments, and you haven’t watched Transparent yet, you’re doing something wrong. Open up a new browser tab, head on over to Amazon, and do yourself a favor.

Glad we got that out of the way. In short, I love Transparent. I love that the show depicts a person coming out as her true self later in life. Trans* characters are certainly having their day in the (mainstream) sun, most notably with Laverne Cox’s Sophia on Orange Is The New Black, and Jared Leto’s Oscar-winning turn as Rayon in The Dallas Buyers Club.++ (That both Leto and Transparent‘s Jeffrey Tambor portray these women as cis-gender male actors has raised some valid criticisms. But we’ll have to address them another time.) However, the simple premise that coming out is hard at any age, and that family dynamics are always complicated makes the characters’ struggles relatable and gives the story the universality required of all great storytelling.

(Full disclosure: I’ve only watched the first two episodes, but if the rest of the season follows suit, I’m sure I won’t be disappointed. I’m actually going to write a paper about the show soon, which will necessitate my binge-watching the rest of the season this weekend. So I may have a more nuanced critique [to match the nuance of the show] next week).

Next, here is some non-news: online streaming allows storytellers to depict characters that have beentraditionally marginalized and denied in mainstream media. Go team go. That it’s happening, is great. That we’re recognizing that it’s happening, is crucial. At the recent New Yorker festival, Jill Soloway, and Jenji Kohan, creators of Transparent and Orange Is The New Black, respectively, appeared on a panel discussing LGBTQ depictions in television. It’s been reported that the two clashed over a couple of issues. Flavorwire’s Moze Halperin examines the encounter intelligently.

The piece explains that Kohan takes issue with Soloway running a competition to find a transperson to join the writing staff for the show’s second season. What isn’t articulated is that Soloway is not going to pull a random trans people off the street. The film & television industry is incredibly difficult to break into. But just because someone isn’t a seasoned writer, doesn’t mean that person isn’t talented. And just because certain opportunities haven’t presented themselves, doesn’t mean someone doesn’t deserve to be in that room. For me, that was the disconnect for Kohan’s whole argument. It sounds like a great mentorship opportunity and I applaud Soloway for her efforts.

Finally, it’s October. That time in the semester when instead of updating my blog, I should be doing one of a million homework assignments, readings, papers, or projects. I mentioned tI’ll be writing a paper on Transparent, particularly how Soloway’s team operates creatively within the larger television landscape. I’m also excited to create a design brief and mockups for my design interactive class’s final project. I’m working some exciting events at the Media Center this weekend, and lastly, I’m going to be building/stretching some producer muscles by entering a team in the upcoming Winter Film Awards’ 48-hour short film challenge. It sounds absolutely absurd, and I’m way too busy to do it, but it really feels like something I need to do at this point in my practice, so I’m jumping in. Stay tuned for the end result!

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+ I have and will continue to support Shondaland programs. I took delight in learning that Ali on Pretty Little Liars [spoiler alert] was still alive. I can’t wait for the next season of Game of Thrones. And I too, have been drawn in by the endless stream of overhyped “This will blow your mind/Change your life/Cure cancer”internet headlines. But enough already. Then again, But maybe it’s me. I’ve always had a thing for subtlety.

++ This is not meant to omit the numerous depictions of trans characters that have come before this particular heyday. Boys Don’t Cry and the documentary Paris Is Burning are two noteworthy examples.

Pleasantly Surprised

Kudos to BET’s Being Mary Jane for portraying a successful and flawed character with complexity and grace. Thank you for not claiming to represent all african-american women’s stories. Thank you for featuring a diverse array of successfully women of color in various industries. Thank you the heartbreaking moments between Mary Jane/Pauletta and her family, especially the scene where her niece describes her definition of beauty. Thank you for not being a cliche. Thank you for the scene where Mary Jane calls out her producer Kara for saying that every time she calls her an angry black woman implies she doesn’t have the right to be angry in the various situations. Thank you for Kara’s complexities as an ambitious woman (I missed that day in kindergarden when ambition was determined to be a bad thing), and her responsibilities as a mother. While I wish the show didn’t perpetuate the myth that finding a man is a woman’s number one priority, and I’m hoping the next season will delve deeper into her workplace challenges, I did not expect such depth and honesty. My bad.

Buzzfeed’s Roundtable Discussion on “The Mindy Project” and My Thoughts about 90s TV

Buzzfeed’s Roundtable Discussion on “The Mindy Project” and My Thoughts about 90s TV

This is an interesting discussion on the representation(s) (or lack thereof) on “The Mindy Project.” I think Mindy Kaling as a writer, showrunner, and producer is a really interesting topic. I think she’s smart and talented and incredibly hard-working. I also think there’s a strange disconnect, lack of solidarity, or maybe even rejection of status as a woman of color/person of color (WOC/POC).

The Buzzfeed roundtable transcribed in this article makes some really salient points. For one, the conversation around racial diversity (or again, lack thereof) in the media in general and on television in particular acts like the 90s never happened. I grew up in the age of Nickelodeon’s “All That,” which, as this article from The Atlantic reminded me recently, consisted of an incredibly diverse cast not just in terms of race but also in body type, and featured more women than men. It’s unmatched by anything I’ve seen today.

Growing up, my family watched a number of black shows such as “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,” “Family Matters,” “Living Single,” and of course “The Cosby Show” reruns, and it’s spin-off, “A Different World.” Now, “The Cosby Show” is The Cosby Show, and “Family Matters” was featured as part of the TGIF primetime lineup. Still I don’t know how wide an audience some of those other shows had. But I saw Margaret Cho’s “All-American Girl” before I learned that faces like hers were rarely seen on television. 1/3 of “Saved by the Bell”‘s 6-person cast were POCs. And “ER,” featuring  Eric LaSalle, Ming Na, Goran Višnjić, Parminder Nagra, Gloria Reuben, and Michael Michele among others, (albeit, not all at the same time) was a Thursday-night favorite.

Yes, I’m probably waxing nostalgic about my childhood and thinking everything about the 90s was awesome (because much of it was). And yes, my all-time favorite show is The West Wing. And yes, I would say the WB’s whitewashed worlds of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”*, “Dawson’s Creek,” and “Gilmore Girls” were all more prominent during my formative years, as well as countless other shows that regurgitated negative stereotypes of POCs, if they depicted them at all. But I do think there were more diverse representations growing up.**

But back to race and back to now. Today, we’ve got Shonda Rhimes, whose shows feature more diverse casts with better written POC characters than any other show on television. I think part of Mindy Kaling’s problem is that Shonda does this so well. People (read: minorities) see one WOC breaking barriers and want all WOC in similar positions to break barriers. I like “The Mindy Project,” I really do. I think she’s really funny, the pop culture references tickle me, and I too want Danny Castellano to be my boyfriend. I’m so happy that her hard work has been rewarded with her own show because many people in the industry never reap the benefits of their efforts. And as Kaling herself will tell you (and has told you many times), she’s a WOC showrunner and that’s not easy feat. But there’s something about the way she bristles when she’s asked about the overall lack of diversity on her show. And it’s become more than blatantly obvious that her WOC Mindy Lahiri only dates white guys. As this article articulates, Kaling acts as if it’s as a burden that expectations are placed on her just because of her skin color. But that’s the burden presented to a female executive when it comes to her hiring practices; it’s what underrepresented persons faces in their well-to-do liberal arts classroom.*** And when she says her friends need to do a better job depicting women and POC on their tv shows, she’s right. EVERYONE DOES. But I wonder how often she tells them that.

Other good discussions revolve around the notion of “whiteness” especially when it comes to who can claim NPR, organic produce, and brunch. They also address the notion of beauty with regards to otherness. The article is on the long-ish side (by MTV short attention-span standards, not by The Economist standards), but it’s definitely worth the read.

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*Maybe shows that feature monsters shouldn’t be included in general arguments about race and representation as it can be argued that they depict “otherness” in other ways.

**I will say that, overall programming for kids and young adults tends to do a better job of representing persons from diverse backgrounds, not just revolving around race. I’m thinking specifically of ABC Family’s The Fosters, and Switched at Birth right now, but I’m sure there are others and themes regarding sexuality, class, ability, and other intersectionality race can play on these is a whole other topic. And one that I cannot do justice at this time.

***I mention this as a WOC who by and large shied away from discussions about race and while attending Smith College. But I was lucky enough to be in an environment where other people were willing to make the appropriate argument on any given day.